I'm Hanging In There

For those of you that are wondering: I'm hanging in there.

Each day is different. Most hours are different.  Some minutes are different. I go up, I go down, most of the time I am a little bit above the middle, so that's good.

Here are some things that are consistently true of my life these days:

1. Each day I feel a little bit better and I am able to do more.  Some milestones in the last few days have been: sitting up in bed by myself, reaching up to turn on a lamp by myself, and putting in my own ponytail!

2. Cancer is overwhelming.  Like, really overwhelming.  But there are pieces of Light in the midst of this messiness and I am looking for those.  I have found them in unexpected kindnesses, people I love, and belly laughs. I have also found them in soft jammies, deep naps, and nature.

Soft jammies and time in nature (at Edinboro Lake).

Notes from loved ones.

3. My short term memory is terrible.  Could be the drugs.  Could be that it is overwhelming to have cancer.  But I do know that I have to set reminders for everything, I often forget what I am doing if I am interrupted in the middle of something, and I wonder if this is what it is a little bit what it is like to have ADHD.

4. People are nicer to you if they know that you have cancer.  And people don't expect a lot of you if they know you have cancer AND that you just had surgery.  I use that to my advantage.  For instance, you are reading this post and forgiving me for the fact that it is so choppy... because I have cancer.  Thanks.

5. I cannot predict how I will feel or what I will be doing at any given time. Sudden mood changes: one minute I am happy, the next minute I am annoyed.  Sudden physical changes: one minute I am exhausted, the next minute I am ready to walk to the kitchen. Sudden life changes: one minute I am free to chat with a friend, the next minute something comes up and I cannot handle any phone calls.  Sorry friends. Thanks for understanding.  I have cancer.

6. Lastly, I have good people around me. Here are some of the people below that have been able to be physically present. (Not pictured is Daddy-o Tom Robb, who came to oncologist appointments to help us sort through all of the details. Thanks, Dad!)

My mom took care of me for the first week on the days that Craig had to work.  Natalie came to help too!

This stud is a Professional Husband. I love him.

This is Grace.  She is my friend.  She came to take care of me for Week 2! She rules.